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Lonnie J. Burris My Military & Vietnam Experience May 7, 1969 to April 5, 1971
Noteworthy Incidents & General Discussion
1. I Was Drafted. I did not agree with The Vietnam War and was a Passive Conscientious Objector. I opted to “Make the best of it” though… rather than spending 5 years in jail or going to Canada.
2. I was scheduled to take a Train to St. Louis for In-Processing. There were No Seats available. I had to sit on the floor in what appeared to be a Storage Area. I recall it was very cold… and I had not brought a jacket. The Military has a Way of Making “First Impressions”.
3. While I was in “Zero Week” (before being assigned to a Basic Training Unit)… I was Strongly Encouraged to “Join” The Army for 2 years… so that My Official Status would be “Enlisted” rather than “Drafted”. When I did not “Go Along” with their wishes… they Harassed Me More than the other troops… and gave me more “KP”.
4. During Basic Training… and on a Long March on a Hot Day… I saw Drill Sergeants from Charlie Company (we were Echo Company) “Kicking” a Trainee while sitting against a tree. They were trying to get him to “get up” and get back into their March. As I found out later… the Soldier was suffering from Heat Exhaustion… and had to be literally “Packed In Ice” to get his Temperature Down. Ultimately, he suffered Brain Damage… from which he probably never recovered. During that Same Time… I was feeling “Cold” while Sweating. I told a Drill Sergeant of my “Symptoms”… and he brushed me off… saying that I would be fine. I had the “Chills” for the rest of that day into the next. When I complained again later that day… they gave me Aspirin.
5. At the end of Basic Training… we had been promised a “Weekend Pass”… if we scored at least a 420 on the PT Test or had the Highest Company Scorer on the PT Test. We did both. So… my friend at Boot Camp and I invited Our “Girls” (My Fiancé, his Wife) up for the weekend. They had to drive over 150 Miles. We were all waiting in the Company Area to get our Pass. The Senior Drill Sergeant called a Formation… and Told Us that the 1st sergeant Cancelled our Pass… and that we would all be given Company Detail instead. So… My friend and his Wife and Me and My Fiancé went AWOL for the weekend. On return… they gave us “Grass Detail” for the last week.
6. After Basic… I was sent to Ft. Huachuca, Arizona. I was there for a little over 7 weeks. While there… I refused to eat at the Mess Hall… because the Food was so bad. One day I tried to cut a piece of Meat they served me… to no avail. Then I tried to actual “Chew” a piece off… again to no avail. I walked out of the mess hall… and never returned. The First Sergeant told me that I had to “Go Eat”. I told him I didn’t and wouldn’t. He said that he would give me a Company Grade Article 15. I told him to do what he had to do… but I was not going to go back to the Mess Hall to eat. He then said to “At Least” go sign the “Chow Register” (what it was all about anyway)… and I said that “If I didn’t eat… I didn’t sign”. He again threatened me. Again… I told him to do what he had to do. He did nothing…
Note: The Military gets the “Best” cuts of Meat in the country… and it is meant for the “Troops”. But… the basic Troops never get them. The Best Meat and Food in General are reserved for The Higher Ranking Officers. This has been true for probably the history or our country. I know it was true for My Dad who served in WWII.
7. While I was still at Ft. Huachuca… I was told to report to the Dentist for a “Check Up”. I refused… saying they were not going to Touch My Teeth. The First Sergeant again threatened me with an Article 15. I told him the same thing again. He did nothing…
Note: There was a boy who had went to their “Dentist” to have a Tooth Pulled. They “Partially Removed” the tooth… and then Rescheduled him for later that week (about 3 days later). He was in Agony for 4 days… totally unnecessarily. This constitutes Criminal Negligence and Torture as far as I’m concerned.
8. While still at Ft. Huachuca… a guy that I had become good friends with was notified by the Red Cross that his Mother was dying. The Company did not notify him for a couple days. Then… they would not Approve His Pass for a few more days. He spent over a week trying to get Off The Post and Headed Home. Meantime, his Mother Died… and I don’t think he even made her Funeral. This Constitutes Cruel and Unusual Punishment as far as I’m Concerned. And the boy did nothing to deserve it. He was a Model Soldier… and All Around Great Guy.
Note: There is a history of mutual abuse with The Military and The Red Cross. My father had told me Stories about the Red Cross that I had questioned… until seeing first hand their crap while in service. I think that The Red Cross was mainly responsible for the delay with My Friends “Papers” being processed… but I think that the First Sergeant did little to “Force” the Issue…
9. I graduated from 05B20 (Radio Operator) Training and went to Ft. Gordon, Georgia for 05C20 (Radio Teletype Operator) Training. Overall, my experience there was fairly good. We were fed well… and treated fairly well. The only thing I recall was a Sergeant who was in charge of Our Barracks always coming around hitting us up for Money. He said it was for “Supplies” for the Barracks… but it was for Weekend Gambling and “Play” Expenses. He would put the ones who would not “Pay” Up on extra duty. He only asked for a Buck at a time (once or twice a week)… so I just gave it to him. Even though he was a Jerk… he was a likeable guy… and it got rid of him Sunday Mornings… so we could Sleep In or Play Cards in Peace!
10. I graduated from 05C20 School and went to 05C40 (Radio Teletype Operator and Team Chief) Training… which was a Noncommissioned Officer Training Course. We remained at Ft. Gordon… just Moved to another area.
It was Tough… but we had Volunteered for it… and could Quit at any time. Again… the Food was good and we were treated fairly well. The only real complaint I had was when they had us one time doing “Police Call” (cleaning up the area) during a Tornado Warning. It was at Night… and we had Flashlights trying to see the ground… with the Rain and Wind Pelting Us. Actually, it was kinda Funny… but it was very irresponsible on their part. The wind was so strong… it was hard to stand up. The possibility of something “blowing lose” and hitting someone was very likely. Luckily, no one was hurt…
11. Sometimes when we “picked up” our Pay Check… the Red Cross would have a Table to “Accept Contributions”. We were Pressured to Give… so that the Company would have a “100%” Participation. When I refused… I was pulled to the side and “talked to”. While they seemed to accept my “Reasons”… they still were a little bit “tougher” on me the next couple of weeks. Also, I had to Clean The Latrine with a Tooth Brush… and was given extra duty for The Weekend. This “Treatment” though did not seem to continue much further into the 13 week training course… and was Typical of NCO Training Schools.
12. I graduated from 05C40 School and went to Ft. Knox for OJT for a couple of months before shipping out for Vietnam. I had been trying to “Stall” going to Vietnam… but had used almost all of my “options” for staying State Side. The only one I had left was “Drill Sergeant School”… and I couldn’t see Myself as a Drill Sergeant.
13. When returning from a Weekend Past… where I went home for the weekend… I was 15 minutes late. That was my First Tardy from Monday Morning Formations. The Captain gave me a Company Grade Article 15 ($50 Fine and a Weekend Restriction to The Company Area). I thought that was rather stiff… but since I was on OJT for NonCommissioned Officer Training… I wasn’t bothered much by it. What really bothered me though… was that his “pets” got away with far worse… even to the point of not even “making” the formation… without any punitive action taken against them.
14. Being a Sergeant E5… I had to pull what is called “CQ Duty”. CQ means “Charge of Quarters”. Overnight, when The 1st Sergeant and Company Commander are “not present”… someone has to “take charge” (so to speak) of maintaining security and taking phone calls. Also assigned are 1 Enlisted Man to assist the CQ Sergeant and an Officer (usually the 1st or 2nd Lieutenant of the company).
The Proper “Procedure” is that The 1st Sergeant Briefs The CQ and CQ Runner before leaving for the day. But… he failed to do so that night. Since CQ Duty is So Routine… I just Copied the previous nights “Briefing” into The Formal Record… just to cover the 1st sergeant. While that may sound “improper”… the Army literally couldn’t function without these “habits”. For example, the Company Clerk “Signs” for
The 1st Sergeant and Company Commander on a Regular Basis. Anyway… part of the 1st Sergeant’s Briefing is to provide a time for the CQ (Me) to take a Dinner Break… and for the CQ Runner to Cover for The CQ. So… I told the CQ Runner to stay in The Headquarters Room and answer the phone. I went to dinner and was gone for about 45 minutes. The mess hall was about a block away… so I had to leave the Company Area. During that time… the CQ Runner left his post and went to the Break Room to play pool. Someone called the office…and was persistent enough to “wake up” the 1st Lieutenant on duty. He was not suppose to be sleeping. So… the 1st lieutenant Recorded that I was “not on duty”… and went back to sleep.
The next morning… someone had not returned the Parade Flag which was kept in the Company Headquarters. It is taken “before” the 1st Sergeant and Company Commander come in… but is usually Brought Back immediately after formation. When it was not… it was reported “Stolen”… and of course probably happened when “I was not on duty”.
Since “Someone” had to be blamed… the 1st Sergeant showed the Company Commander The Company Log… where it said that “He had Briefed Me”… along with The 1st Lieutenants Record of Me Being Gone from My Post without permission.
What “bothered” me about all of this… is that I “covered” for the 1st Sergeant… and he turned around (knowing that he had not briefed me) and covered his own ass. Also, the 1st Lieutenant should “Not” have been sleeping on duty… which was never addressed…
So… they Put Me In For a Battalion Grade Article 15… and I had to go see the Battalion Commander. By then, I had pretty much “had it” with the whole situation. I told the Battalion Commander (a Full Bird Colonel) that the 1st Sergeant was a Spineless Coward… and that The Company Commander didn’t have a clue as to what was going on in his company… and that He Was a Religious Fanatic (another Story).
To my surprise… the Man said “Well Son, sometimes the Army is like a Green Machine… and just Eats People Up and Spits them out”. I just looked him straight in the Eye and didn’t say a Word. I looked over at the Company Clerk taking notes… and he just Smiled a Knowing Smile.
Somehow, I think that the Battalion Commander was already “On To” the “Comedy Team” he was in charge of…
He said, “Tell you what I am going to do. I am going to put this on the shelf… and if you don’t get any charges against you before you leave… then it will be dropped from your record.” I said “Sounds Fair to Me”… even though there was nothing “Fair” about any of it. But… at least I had encountered a Semblance of Sanity… at a time when I really needed to know that I was not in a Twilight Zone Episode… where Aliens had Stolen Everyone’s Minds along with Residual Integrity…
Around the first part of May, I left Ft. Knox for a One Week Past before shipping out to Vietnam from Ft. Lewis, Washington.
15. My Orders took Me to Nha Trang. I was assigned to a Radio-Teletype Team of which I was The Teem Chief and NCO in Charge… with three Enlisted Men as Operators. Nha Trang was an LSA Branch of Our Company Network… which was stationed at Cam Ranh Bay. “LSA” means “Logistical Support Activity”… and We were “Assigned” to various Other Company’s for Support… without being Formally an Integral Part of The Served Company.
16. About a month being at Nha Trang…. I was sitting in The Mess Hall and Heard a Nearby Explosion. I had just set down and started my meal. Later… I heard what had happened. A soldier that was cutting through a Company Garden (a small area that had been set aside for creative landscaping) had set off a Trip Bomb and had blown apart his legs. He lived, but he would probably never walk again…
The thing about it was… I almost always “cut across” that Garden on my way to The Mess Hall. It was like a Short Cut. But… for some reason… I didn’t that day. If I had… it would have been Me who had tripped the Bomb… not the “Other Guy”. Why was I Spared? Luck?
17. On many occasions… when Returning to My Hooch after My Shift was Over in The Wee Hours of the Morning… I would Smell and Usually See the Marijuana Smoke hanging in the Air outside the adjoining Hooches. My Bed was on the outside wall of the building… and the Hooch next to Ours was a Ranger Unit. They “Went Out” for 2 weeks and then “Came In” for 2 weeks. They typically did this 26 Times during their Tour of Duty in Vietnam. The Closer they got to the Long Awaited “26”… the more Nervous and Anxious they got. Ironically, many Soldiers were Killed or Wounded on Their Last Time Out…
The Rangers generally “Got Stoned” when they first came to Vietnam (or shortly after)… and Stayed Stoned till they Left. When they were “In”, they Partied and Fought. Sometimes, the Smoke from Their Hooch… Drifting over to mine… was so Thick that I couldn’t see to the end of the Walkway when Returning from My Shift. Many Times at Night… I would get Stoned Myself… literally from the Smoke and Fumes coming across the few feet separating the Hooches. Since all that was basically “between” us was “Screen”… it was easy for Smoke to Drift from One Place to Another. Most of the time… it Smelled Like Marijuana… but sometimes I couldn’t identify the Smell. Never The Less… I Usually “Slept Well” on those Hazy Nights! J
18. Just when I was getting “Settled In” at Nha Trang… along came this Fat Sergeant E5 “Lifer”… that was trained as a Cook… who wanted to be assigned to Nha Trang rather than go to where his Orders Sent Him. They apparently didn’t Need or Want him there. So… since he had “Seniority” (even though he was not even Trained or had Experience with Radio-Teletype) he supposedly “had the right” to “Bump” me from My Position. What Idiocy from the Army’s Part!
So… I was ReAssigned to Bam Me Thout… another LSA of My Unit (The 54th General Support Group). It was about 15 Miles from The Cambodian Border… and was a far more “Basic” Camp than at Nha Trang… which was by Comparison almost a Resort. I exaggerate… but not by much! Bam Me Thout Really Sucked… Big Time. J
The 1st Sergeant and Company Commander were real Morons. We weren’t allowed to have Possession of our Rifles (because the men hated the officers so much)… and the 1st Sergeant held a Morning and Evening Formation every day… of which he always had a “Police Call” following (picking up cigarette butts and debris). I got into it all the time with him for not making My Men make his Morning Formations… after pulling an all night duty. He never forced the Issue…
Note: About a month before I arrived at Bam Me Thout… some soldiers at the Motor Pool had “Tear Gassed” the Officer in Charge one night when he slept. They also included the message “The Next Time We Will Use Real Grenades”. Everyone seemed to think he “deserved” it… except for the Officers, of course.
The Company also had a Telephone Switchboard… that My Team was also made responsible for… even though it was not part of Our Duty Assignment… and not part of Our MOS (Job Category). Only two of my Team were Trained for Radio-Teletype… and one guy was on a Probationary Assignment from Long Ben… the major Rehabilitation and Detention Center for Vietnam. The guy had an Attitude… and would rarely complete his assigned shift. Typically, someone else (usually Me) had to Pull His Shift. The Company Commander would not take any action on him. I put him in for an Article 15 myself finally (which for me was a very hard thing to do)… and he just laughed and said “Deal With Him”. The “Problem” was that the Captain and him was “Smoken Buddies”… along with a few other Select Brown Nosers… and he was Compromised. Yeah, he was Doing Drugs with Favored Enlisted Men. A Real Leader of a Man?
Anyway… I was pulling Double and Triple Shifts… and after a while… just said “Fuck It”. Many times, I would have to cover both the Radio-Teletype Rig and The Switchboard myself… and miss Lunch or Dinner… and sometimes both… because I could not Leave the Switchboard Unmanned. So… one day (after having told the 1st Sergeant and Captain about the Problem several times… without a response)… I decided to Go Get Some Lunch (Ah… Déjà vu… all over again). I only took about 20 minutes…but on the way back to the Headquarters… I ran into the Captain… who proceeded to give me hell about leaving My Post and The Headquarters Unsupervised. I said “Hey, it doesn’t bother you when everyone else does it… so why should it bother you when I do it? Besides, you obviously aren’t going to help me Resolve The Problems with Joe (I don’t recall his name) or some of the other people on my crew”. He said “I’m tired of your shit Burris. I want you Packed Up and Ready to Leave within the Hour. I’m sending you back to Cam Rahn Bay.” I said “Fine with Me”… and I threw my stuff together and was out of there by Sunset.
When I got back to Cam Ranh Bay… of course I had an “Article 15” waiting for me. But… for some reason… when I told them about a “Photo” of The Captain and some of the Enlisted Men Smoking Marijuana Together (that I had access to)… they just sort of “Dropped” the Issue. I think they Knew the Captain was not Fit for his Position… but like Cops and Lawyers and Managers… they “Protect Their Own”. I never heard any more about it…
19. While at Nha Trang… I managed to Get Gonorrhea. I promptly went to The Clinic to get treated. Then about a Month Later (still at Nha Trang)… I get Gonorrhea again… only this time I had not made contact with anyone. What had happened was that the “First Treatment” didn’t get rid of it. So… I go back and get a Second Treatment (Same place). Around this time… I am ReAssigned to Bam Me Thout. And again… about a Month Later… I get a Return of Gonorrhea! So… I go to The Clinic at Bam Me Thout… and tell the guy My Story. He says… “The guys at Nha Trang are Shorting You on The Proper Dose. They are Collecting Penicillin and selling it on The Black Market.” Being obviously pissed… I said “Well, what can we do about it”. He said “Probably Nothing… because the Officers are probably in on it”. Then he said “But… I Guarantee You that We Will Get It This Time!” He gave me Tetracycline Tablets… and gave me a Shot. He had me come back two more times (spaced a week apart). And he was Right… We Definitely “Got It” that time around.
Only… I didn’t find out till years After leaving the Military… that Gonorrhea that is not Treated Soon after contracted (or Recurring) has the effect of causing the Urethra Opening of The Penis to Partially “Close Up”… causing a “Back Pressure” and Pooled Residue of Semen. Sometimes, this will cause an Infection… and can cause Urinary Problems…
While I had been having Urinary Problems during several years at college at SIU @ Edwardsville (1973 to 1976)… I did not find out exactly what was wrong till I went to a Highly Regarded Urologist at Cape Girardeau, Missouri around 1977 (not sure of the exact year). After talking to him for about 15 minutes… he checked my Penis and Prostrate Secretion… and told me what My “Problem” was… along with the “Solution”. If I had not been so Tired and Fed Up with dealing with the Problem of Recurring “Nonspecific Urethritis” Over and Over Again… I would not have even considered the “Alternative”. But… at that point I was willing to try anything. What he “Proposed” was “Cutting” a Quarter Inch section of the opening of My Urethra (the opening of My Penis). He said that would Relieve the Backpressure from My Ejaculations… and Eliminate the Recurrence of Urinary Infections.
So… I gritted my teeth… and as he stuck a Needle into The Head of My Penis 3 Times… I tried to Convince Myself that It Was Worth It. Then, when he took what appeared like Wire Cutters into the opening of My Penis about a Half Inch… and Snipped the Lower Section… I thought to Myself “I Can’t Believe I Am Doing This”. Then, as a Follow Up Treatment… I had to Physically “Hold Open” the Cut each time I went to the Bathroom… so that it would not “Grow Shut” requiring that the operation be Redone. Do you have any idea what Urine in an Open Wound Feels Like???
But… It Worked… and I have not had Any Problems with Urinary Infections Since. And while I don’t think that I am “As Good As New”… and that there still is a little “Backup of Semen” when I Ejaculate… I think that for the most part… the Operation was a Success.
20. While at Cam Ranh Bay… I made a Trip to Nha Trang… to “Officially” Replace a Malfunctioning Modem for The Radio-Teletype Rig there. Unofficially, I went to visit with some of My Friends there… and to pick up some “Steaks” for a Company Party. Actually, I was not suppose to “Leave” Cam Ranh Bay… as the Battalion Commander had Restricted Me To Post. But… the Captain Over Me said “Hey, if you can get Steaks… It’s OK with Me”. Lucky for Me I Got The Steaks (which even The Lieutenant Colonel of Our Unit Couldn’t Get). So… when the “Flaming L” as I called him (because he always Signed his Name with a Red Flare Pen) thought he “Had Me” this time… and was Joyfully going through the Formalities of Laying Me Out with a Battalion Grade Article 15 (or even worse)… I said “You know… It takes a Real Life Son of a Bitch to Fuck Me Over like this… after all the trouble I went to Get Steaks for Our Company Picnic”. I added “You Guys Really Take The Cake”! He almost fell out of his Chair. He then looked over to the E6 that was My Immediate Supervisor… and said “He Has Steaks”. The Sergeant said “That He Does”. He then said “And he is going to Give Them to Us for The Company Picnic”. He said “That He Is… or at Least Was”. Well, “Flaming L” looked at Me… took a Deep Breath… and Said… “Well, In That Case… Thanks for The Steaks”. He reached over and shook My Hand… and said “I Think This Meeting is Over”. I said “Thank You Sir”… and turned around and Walked Out.
I was Troubled Though… with Everything. Something had happened while going through the Town of Nha Trang on our way back to Cam Ranh Bay with The Case of Steaks… which I had put on Ice in a bucket In the back of the Truck… and was Personally Guarding.
In a Busy Part of Town… on the Side of the Street… were laid around 10 People… on their backs with their feet facing away from the road. They had been Decapitated… and their Heads were put on their Chest… facing the Traffic. Their Hands had been folded on their Stomach. Their Severed Necks were open… with Flies Swarming them.
I can Still See those Images Today… Very Clearly. And I don’t know why… but for Some Reason… it is The Way the Bodies were “Laid Out” that seems to Bother Me So Much. It is almost as if The Heads can Still “See”… and are Somehow Still Alive. My Mind can’t seem to “Reconcile” The Reality of It. There is Something “There” that I Can’t Seem to Comprehend. And when I heard that the “Victims” were The “Losers” of the Recent Election… I was Even More Bothered with Our Country “Being There”… and to Condon this Gruesome Inhuman Behavior. Something was Very Wrong about It All…
Apparently, It Still Bothers Me Today…
21. While at Cam Ranh Bay… the Military would “Spray” the Hills Surrounding the Bay on a Monthly Basis. What they Sprayed was a Defoliant… probably Agent Orange. Sometimes the Wind would be Blowing “toward” Our Company Area… and the Mist would cover Everything and Everybody who was outside. I remember one day when I was outside literally “Wiping” the Mist Off My Arms and In My Hair. I recall asking a guy standing next to “What the Hell is This Stuff”? He said “Something to help clear the growth from the hillsides”.
What I was Sprayed with Was probably Agent Orange… or some Other Kind of Defoliant. While “at the time” the Army may have not known the “Severity” of Chemical Exposure to Agent Orange… they Knew Enough to Know it was not Healthy… and should have taken Measures to Inform and Protect the Soldiers in The Area. They didn’t… and that Constitutes Criminal Negligence… no matter how you look at it.
22. As My Tour of Duty in Vietnam was coming to a Close… the Government was Giving “Two Month” Early Outs to Those Qualified. I qualified… but because I Refused to See a “ReUp” Officer… they wouldn’t give it to me. They said I “Had To Be Interviewed” by Enlistment Personnel as a part of “Processing Out of Country”. I said “That is Bullshit… and I am not going to even Talk with those Bastards”. I told them there was Absolutely Nothing They Could Say to Me to Change My Mind. So… I Didn’t Go to Any “ReEnlistment” Interviews… and I Processed Out Anyway. Although… they did manage to Cheat Me Out of a Month… as Punishment I presume. I only got a 30 Day Early Out. But Hey… at least they didn’t Threaten Me with an “Article 15”! J
23. While at Cam Ranh Bay… I noticed a Building in My Company that was more or less Empty… except for a few Soldiers who Appeared to Be in Transit. All they had was their Duffle Bag (which they basically lived out of) and a Foot Locker that they could not keep Locked.
It didn’t take me long to figure out that these guys were “In Limbo”. They were Dope Addicts… and The Army Would Not Discharge Them… but would not Actively Try to Engage them in Any Kind of Therapeutic Activity. They were just “There”… waiting for Their Tour of Duty to End. Apparently, they were Still Getting Their “Fix” without much Trouble… because most of the time… they were “Zoning” or Sleeping.
There was this One Guy though… who was Very Personable and Seemed to Actually “Want” to Be Helped. He had a Deep Distrust of The Military Though (Imagine That) and Would not go into any Kind of Treatment. After talking to Him for a Couple of Weeks… I finally convinced Him into Going to what was Called “Cold Turkey”. They would literally lock you up in a Padded Cell… and You Had to “Dry Out”. With Doctors and Staff that I Believed Actually Cared (I had
talked with People Who had Been in The Program and Interacted with the Staff) I felt that He Would Benefit from The Experience. He told Me He was “Going to Do It”… and I did not see him for what seemed like a couple weeks…
On My Last Day in Country… I was Walking toward the front of The Company to Be Picked Up… and Taken to The Airport. He was coming toward Me… with This Really Intent and Serious Look on His Face. I Thought “Oh Shit… He’s Gonna Swing On Me”. But… when he got close enough… he Put Out His Hand (without breaking Eye Contact)… and Said “I Have Just Been Through Hell… and for That Reason Alone… I Am Never Going to Go Through That Again. Thank You”. Then he said… “I Am Never Going to Touch That Shit Again”. He was talking about “Skagg”… a Popular form of Heroin in Vietnam. It Literally Destroyed Thousands of Lives in The Nam. And like Everyone Else… they were just “Sent Back” (after their “Tour of Duty” of course)… and Released into a Society… that Neither Sympathized or Cared. Many eventually Killed Themselves I Am Sure. Some probably Killed Others. Most simply continued Wasting Themselves… and Everything and Everyone Involved in Their Lives. Such an Unnecessary Shame…
Ironically, I Felt That “One Guy” That I helped… somehow made My Time in Nam at least Partly Worthwhile. Besides some of The New Friends I Had Made… Helping This Man to Take The Initiative to Begin Putting His Life Back Together… was a Justification of Sorts for My Being Sent to Vietnam. So Much of It… was just a Waste!
24. A little before Leaving Nam to Return Home… I was talking with a “Lifer” (Career Soldier)… and I Told Him it would Really Be Great to Return Home. He looked at Me Seriously… and said “Son… You Can Never Go Home”. I said “What do You Mean… I am going Home This Week”. He said… “You Have Changed. Your Home Town Has Changed. Everyone You Know has Changed. The ‘Home’ that You Left doesn’t exist anymore. You can never ‘Go Back’ to The Home that You Left two years ago”. I Intellectually Understood what He was Saying… But I didn’t Really “Understand”. Like everything else… until we “Experience” The Reality of Words of Wisdom First Hand… We Don’t Really “Know” What They Mean. He was Right… I could Never Go Home Again.
When I returned to Civilian Life… and was “Back On The Block”… there was this Huge Gap between People I Thought I Knew… and Even Myself. It wasn’t until I Returned Home… that I realized just “How Much” I had Changed. My Old Friends seemed so “Immature”… and They Bored Me. Also, I had little Patience with People in General… and My Frustration and Tolerance Level was Low. I Was Angry and Hurt… but I would not Admit It… as if it was a Weakness.
Within a few weeks of Returning Home… My Fiancé told Me that she was Pregnant… by one of My “Friends”. That really sent Me on a Tangent… and I said a lot of Things I Didn’t Mean. Eventually, I said that I could Accept It… and If She would Marry Me… that I would Raise His Child. She said “It Is Too Late Lonnie”… and She was Right…
25. Both before and after My Time In Service… I experienced the Suffering of My Friends who had Served… along with some of their “Deaths”… either in Combat or by their own hand. In war… there are Sacrifices… but when the war is Unjust and Unnecessary… and simply an Economic and Political Campaign… it is Totally Unjustified and Inexcusable.
26. While going to College at Edwardsville, Illinois… there were a couple times that I went to the VA in St. Louis. The first time was for a Fungus that was on My Heal that I couldn’t get rid of. They gave me a Lotion to put on it… but it didn’t work. Finally, they took a Biopsy of the infected area… and called me back. They said that it was from a Fungus that I had gotten in Vietnam… and was relatively rare. They made up a “Special” Formula for Me… and it got rid of it.
The “Problem” was that every time I went to the St. Louis VA… I had to sit on the floor because there weren’t enough chairs for everyone. One time… I set on the floor in the hallway for an entire day… and was then told to “Come Back Tomorrow”. I did… and set another day.
27. When I was living in the New Orleans area… I went to the VA in Downtown New Orleans for Problems with Gout and Back Pain. That is about the time that they put me on High Blood Pressure Medication. I believe they started me on Endomethacin (for Gout) about that time. Also, because I said I was feeling a little “Depressed”… they asked if I wanted to see a Counselor… which I agreed to.
There were a few things that bothered me about those Visits. First, I was asked to Sign a Paper saying that I “Was Not Exposed to Agent Orange”. I refused… saying that I thought Everyone at that time was Exposed to Agent Orange. Second, while I did not have to Sit on The Floor… I typically had to wait at least 2 to 3 hours to See Someone… and Sometimes All Day. Third, when I finally met with a Psychologist for an Interview (which only lasted around 20 minutes)… I found out that she had “Labeled” Me a “Personality Disorder”. I expressed to a Doctor at the time that “Not even the Greatest Psychologists would dare to Place a Label on a Patient after only Seeing them for 20 minutes”. I then asked them “Where do you dig up people like this”?
28. I returned to Cairo, Illinois (My Home Town) in January, 1990. I had separated from My Wife and had decided to come back “Home” and help My Mother with Her House and “Things in General”. I began going to The Marion VA also that year.
During the early 90s, the Marion VA was not very good either about “making and keeping appointments” in a Respectful and Timely Manner. I generally had to wait for 2 to 3 hours… and one time had to “Return” the next day after waiting most of the day. It seems the “Procedure” was to just schedule a lot of people in the morning (assuming many would be a No Show) and just “go from there”. Otherwise, for the most part, I have received Good Treatment from The Marion VA… and they have helped me with My Health Issues and Treatment. While I would have liked The VA to Be More “ProActive” rather than Reactive… and More “Holistic” in their Approach to Physical “Problems” than Separatist in Their Thinking… compared to Public Hospitals and Contemporary Medicine they are Par for The Course.
In the last few years… the Marion VA has Excelled in Treatment Scheduling. Rarely do I have to wait for more than an Hour past my appointed time… and then usually not more than 15 minutes. Many times, I am “processed” as soon as I get there. I Definitely have to Commend The VA on the Great Progress they have made in this Area of Service to Veterans.
29. I have had Problems with Upper and Lower Back Pain… especially Pain in My Neck… and with Depression since the 80s. While the VA has “Treated” these Illnesses… their “Solution” seems to always get back to “Drugs”. And while I am Grateful for The Relief of Various Medications… and Would Not Want to Discontinue the Medications I am taking… I just Think and Feel that there is Something More (that is not Drug Related) that The VA could be doing. While My Doctors have Rightfully “Avoided” any kind of Surgery… I can’t believe that there is Something Else not being proposed. I asked about “Physical Message Therapy”… and was told if the VA gave “Massages” that there would be a Line a Mile Long waiting for them. I wasn’t asking for a Full Body Massage… just Physical Therapy for My Neck! Also, it seems Reasonable that there would be some kind of Salve that I could Rub Into My Neck Myself that would work. It just seems that with My Neck… the only answer I can get is “There is nothing we can do…”. My Neck Pain is Serious! It is Chronic and Wears Me Out. It also contributes to My Depression. There has to be “Something The VA Can Do”… besides Prescribing More Pills…
30. It seems Obvious to Me that I am Suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder… either Partially or Totally Caused by Agent Orange Exposure. After years of Being Aware of The Symptoms that Support that Diagnosis… Why didn’t anyone Say Anything to Me About Agent Orange and The Possibility that I was Suffering from It? Why didn’t The VA Encourage Me to Get Tested Years Ago? Why do they Seem to Want to Avoid This Issue? I had to “Find Out” all of this Myself… from Fellow Veterans who have had to Fight for Their Rights and Just Treatment and Compensation Themselves. Why the Hypocrisy?
Even now… I am trying to get The Behavioral Medicine Department to Give Me a Psychiatric Evaluation for Agent Orange… and They Won’t “Discuss” It with me “In Those Terms”. Rather, I am encouraged to get Involved in a “Counseling” Program. Are these two Issues “Related” or Separate? Am I being “Put Off”? While I am Very Willing and Interested in Continuing with The Counseling Program (and have Positive Feelings about It)… I also want to Start The Administrative Ball Rolling for My Psychiatric Evaluation for PTSD. If anything… The VA should be Actively Keeping Me Informed about All Aspects of this Issue… and The Status and Progress of My Application for a Psychiatric
Evaluation for PTSD. I just don’t Feel the VA is Actively Advocating for Me as a Veteran of Foreign War? Many Veterans Feel The Same Way.
I Am Not Saying that I have a Severe Case of PTSD. I Am Saying that I have been Effected by Agent Orange… and I have Some of The Symptoms of PTSD… Mainly in The Area of Depression, Psychic Numbing, Anxiety and Aggression, Feeling of Helplessness, Repressions of Memories and Emotions, and Poor Memory Recall. Also, I have been “Tired” for Years. I have a Problem with Inertia and Motivation to Start and especially Finish Various Projects and Jobs around My House and in My Life. I am Apathetic and Detached.
My Legs are Hurting more… and it is getting harder for Me to Stand for 4 days in a Row (I have had to drop from 5 days because I couldn’t stand for that long). Maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with My Exposure to Agent Orange… but then again, Maybe It Does?
My Nutritionist said that I wasn’t “Diabetic”…but that I was in a Area that was indicating Diabetic Symptoms. She would not say I was “Pre-Diabetic”… but it appeared that I was headed in that direction. Do We Really have to Wait till I am a Full Blown Diabetic before I can get some Compensation for My Conditions?
If The VA Won’t Advocate for Me… Who Will???
Lonnie J. Burris
Note: The Purpose of This Correspondence is to Assist My Counselor with Our Discussion of “My Vietnam Experience”… which was Proposed by Her as a Means of Helping Me with My Catharsis and Understanding of My Emotional and Psychological Issues.
It is Also Meant (for Me) to be a Means of Helping to Educate My Counselor (and anyone else involved with My Case) about Vietnam and The Vietnam Experience of Other Vets. Also, since there are Many Similarities with Vietnam and The Iraq War… it may Help The VA to Better Serve Current Returning Veterans…
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